Ladies and gentlemen, the newest denomination in American currency: Kounterfeit Kash. Printed without the usual qualifications, it bears the portrait of a man who just might look official from across the room. Look closer and it doesn't hold up.
To him, the FBI isn't a job, it's a lifestyle brand. The Bureau's jet makes a fine ride to see his girlfriend, and she gets her own federal security detail. In between, there's merch to sell and a "Ka$h" brand to grow. The gold chain says it all: the badge is just bling. And in his other hand, 100 Proof Bureau Bourbon, because power this intoxicating deserves a chaser.
Note the bottom of the bill: Now Hiring Sexy Beasts. Under new management, the Bureau has relaxed its standards so far that a past containing a little too much love for the barnyard, no longer rules you out. Fidelity, Bravery, Integrity? Let's not get picky.
